try by P!nk

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

today I find myself in a situation where I feel so many disruptive things. unsure, sad, hurt, scared, nervous, timid, unconfident, weak, tired, confused. the kind of moment where I am taking more deep breaths than normal ones. so I choose to take a walk. I put both my ear plugs in and blast P!nk, as loud as possible for my little ears, as she seems to be my go to a lot. and this song comes on... and I decide to listen to it a billion times, as I do with any song I seem to love, play it so much until the others around me can just simply not hear it any more. hahahaha...

with everything I choose in my life, there is a chance of hurt and heartache and pain. there is also a chance of success and happiness and happy, irreplaceable memories. my options are to stay inside my own little box and stay as safe as possible not feeling happiness and not feeling hurt... or get the hell out there and experience life. and enjoy and hurt and laugh and cry! life is meant to be lived, not wasted. I am going to go after the things that are right for me. if I get hurt on my journey, then I know that I did my best and will have no regrets. I cannot wake up with regrets about life and things I chose to do.

after my divorce, I was given a second chance. an opportunity to live the best me, and today I have to remind myself that I have to get up and "try, try, try". I always tell my kids, "if you are trying your very best, you cannot be in trouble". I gotta put my money where my mouth is and try my best... this is a scary storm for me, and I am going to dance my way through it... sing loud and be proud of my choices and decisions. grateful for life experiences where I learned to weather these times... and the confidence in myself and who I am...

thanks beautiful P!nk for the reminder today!

change

change is a concept I have attempted to truly grasp.

**side story** I have always wanted to get a tattoo... but being the chicken I am with that sort of pain (im guessing since I don't actually know), and the fear of an 80 year old tattoo being extremely unattractive on saggy skin has always derailed me from such a thought. and one time I had an appointment to go and get my first tattoo, and a dear friend of mine VERY kindly reminded me what a dumb idea that was... and the appointment was cancelled... I decided a year ago the type of tattoo I would get as my first tattoo (you know, the one I will probably never actually get) I am in love with the infinity sign, and would get it on my finger as here in this picture

maybe a little bigger than this, but on my finger just as shown. but in the infinity sign words can be written... as shown in the next picture... and I decided I would get the word change (instead of life as shown in the picture)

the reason I would choose this tattoo is because change is infinite. it is always a guarantee... and I am sort of attached to that idea. again. I will most likely never truly get this tattoo... just my brain mulling around silly 16 year old girl thoughts... hahahaha... **end of side story**

I have found myself in a situation where change is inevitable. there is a major change that will without a doubt happen. some big decisions that need to be made. I have been through similar major changes in my life and I am here on the other side of change. with change comes nerves and anxiety and uncertainty. all of these feelings I don't have mastered yet.

I am a firm believer that when one door closes, another one opens. I believe that none of us are doomed to a situation handed to us, there is always an option, there is always a choice. and yet in the midst of change there are moments where it feels too heavy and like a gray cloud swarming around. I am grateful for the confidence I feel in myself to believe that things will work out. I am thankful for the many experiences that have taught me that I will make it through this too. and that if I have nothing else... I am confident in my own skin that I know for sure I will come out on the other side and be able to handle the next major change in my life, as I am guaranteed that will happen...

I am thankful to those who truly love me and support me in my changing, my thoughts, my honesty. im thankful for opportunities to grow, learn and change... big deep sigh...