boundaries

so. i am a HUGE grey's anatomy fan. i started watching it the first season and have not stopped. i even made it through the season that was BORING!!! and then this season is so good!!! anyhow... i was watching season one on dvd yesterday and you know how meredith does her whole "end of the show narrative"? hahaha... well. she said this "boundaries do not keep people out, they just fence us in".
i started then, evaluating all my boundaries. and dang... i have tons. i have tons of walls built up, as i justify, for my protection. and i can see, kind of, the importance of beginning to take those down. for instance. one big mess of boundaries i have is with my family. all that we have been through. i have built up tons of walls and boundaries with them because of our life experiences together. i think my dad was the only one i didn't have any walls built up with, because really, he says like 5 things a year... it's not hard to be open with him... because he doesnt say anything really... hahaha. but my mom and my sister. dang. but this past week i have been, by wonderful situations, forced (in a total good way, forced) to spend more time with them. and i have begun to tear some of those walls down. and it feels so good inside. they really do love me. and i really do love them. regardless of the things we have been through, they are my family. and i miss our closeness. i miss how people avoid us like the plague when we are together because we are loud and embarrassing and open and honest. i miss our bantering. i miss how we show each other love. i miss those tender moments. i love my family. and i am so grateful for the time we have been able to spend together. someone close and special to me has told me that i am lucky to have my family, lucky to have a family that cares. and i have realized this, again, this past week.
so. that's my example. of course i have boundaries in many other places. but it's rather exhilarating to begin to demolish those walls.

stereotyping

so. saturday morning... i went to am/pm to indulge in a VERY small fountain drink, dr. pepper with crushed ice (an amazing treat). i was standing in line. i was second in line and there was a gentleman behind me with a trail of people behind him. the registers at the am/pm were acting up. not the fault of any person in the whole building, just a technology glitch. the manager is apparently working on it as quickly as he can and the other employee is trying to appease the people in line with her apologies and smiles. i was not even irritated, believe it or not. then the gentleman behind me started yelling at the manager, telling him things like "your equipment is faulty" "you should invest in better stuff" "get the &#*%! fixed" just being pretty rude. and pacing back and forth and sighing and grunting. made his point very clear that he was irritated. the manager was not rude and actually was handling himself well, considering he was attemting to fix this situation. so, he stopped ranting and raving for a moment and at a time of peace he leaned forward to me and said "you must be in your 20's". i didn't know quite how to respond to such a random comment. i replied "no, in my 30's". and he said to me "well, the only people i know stupid enough to drink soda in the morning are kids in their 20's". well, i immediately start thinking of a million mean and horrible things to say to this man, that i was already irritated with, when i was saved by the gentleman behind him. he said "you must be a gardener". and the rude man said "no. im a business man, why did you think i was a gardener?" and the other gentleman said "well, your mexican, so you must be a gardener". the rude man didn't even know what to say, he attempted backpedaling for a minute and then realized the mans point and backed off. he never apologized or anything, but he sure didn't have anything else to say.



so there are two thoughts i would like to share. first I AM NOT IN MY 20's ANYMORE!!!! holy smokes. my 20's are over. and i guess i have been so blah about turning 3o that i didn't even stop to reflect on that decade of my life. so. i took some time to do that on saturday. wow. what a 10 year block in my life. the worst and the best things are included there. i cannot even go into thoughts about my 20s because it would be a 5 mile long blog... at some point, possibly, just not now... but what an amazing decade of life. i hope my 30s are little more calm... hahahaha...



then my other thought is about stereotyping. that man assumed i was in my 20s based solely off the fact that i was drinking soda in the morning. how ignorant. how stupid. how closed minded. the gentleman was right about then coming back with taking a generalization about a race of people and making the same type of assumption on him. just because of a characteristic does not classify me into a group of people. im individual and unique regardless of my age, my habits, my race, my sex. i am sandra. and he is him. he has his own story, just as the rest of us do. anyhow. i am going to work harder on not classifying people and placing them into categories based of characteristics... anyhow... another lesson learned. again. :)