server shenanigans - waffleholic

I LOVE being a process server. I work at my own level and my personal drive is the only thing that pushes me along that path. I drive a gazillion miles and am gone a lot on the road... and I earn money for my family and love the sights and the moments of this job. in this position, I feel free. I feel like a person, not a servant. I also have great stories that make my job worth every second.

there is no confidentiality in this job, so mentioning real names, is completely fine. I had two services for LADLE, LLC aka WAFFLEHOLIC and one for the owner of this business name VALINDA GARRISON. her storefront is @ 1661 Superior Ave, Costa Mesa. My thought when I know I have a business serve is "in and out and a fast money maker"!

I pull up. Waffleholic is in a small shopping center that is L shaped. and it's right at the 90 degree angle of the L. I see an unknown female standing out in front of the business as I pull up. I park and walk in. there is no human anywhere in sight. I think that maybe she went to the restroom. I stand in the restaurant for a minute taking in how it is organized and how it is all set up. im checking out the décor and getting a feel for where I am. in any other moment, this is a really cool little set up and such a fun little waffle house place. and the décor is on point! looks so good in this little place.

I walk out, check the public restroom just outside the business. I go back into the business and it's still empty. there is no response to "hello" and then "is there anyone in here?". so I go to the one business that has employees in it and they are concerned where the owner is, because they said she never leaves it unattended. they are outside of their own business looking for the owner of waffleholic.

I at this point am 99% sure she is hiding from me. there is just no way with the set up of the shopping center that she could have left the area. so I go behind all of the "employees only" areas. her cell phone is on the counter. there is no one by the register, the cash box or behind any of the up front counters. I go into the kitchen and I look around very well.

I find the woman crouched into a ball, literally in fetal position, between the fridge and another appliance. seriously? she tells me she is not accepting anything. I told her that legally I didn't need her to take these from me, that she has been served and I left the documents on the counter.

she walks out mumbling all this craziness under her breath. she gets into her green ford fusion and actually drives away! seriously?

as a server, I know I have effected a legal and good service of process. I find it amazingly hilarious that she tried hiding from me. she obviously was unaware of my desire to earn money. and I only earn money at the completion of a service. so I was not leaving until I had served the business.

and there you have it. a great story during one of my days of work!

try by P!nk

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

today I find myself in a situation where I feel so many disruptive things. unsure, sad, hurt, scared, nervous, timid, unconfident, weak, tired, confused. the kind of moment where I am taking more deep breaths than normal ones. so I choose to take a walk. I put both my ear plugs in and blast P!nk, as loud as possible for my little ears, as she seems to be my go to a lot. and this song comes on... and I decide to listen to it a billion times, as I do with any song I seem to love, play it so much until the others around me can just simply not hear it any more. hahahaha...

with everything I choose in my life, there is a chance of hurt and heartache and pain. there is also a chance of success and happiness and happy, irreplaceable memories. my options are to stay inside my own little box and stay as safe as possible not feeling happiness and not feeling hurt... or get the hell out there and experience life. and enjoy and hurt and laugh and cry! life is meant to be lived, not wasted. I am going to go after the things that are right for me. if I get hurt on my journey, then I know that I did my best and will have no regrets. I cannot wake up with regrets about life and things I chose to do.

after my divorce, I was given a second chance. an opportunity to live the best me, and today I have to remind myself that I have to get up and "try, try, try". I always tell my kids, "if you are trying your very best, you cannot be in trouble". I gotta put my money where my mouth is and try my best... this is a scary storm for me, and I am going to dance my way through it... sing loud and be proud of my choices and decisions. grateful for life experiences where I learned to weather these times... and the confidence in myself and who I am...

thanks beautiful P!nk for the reminder today!

change

change is a concept I have attempted to truly grasp.

**side story** I have always wanted to get a tattoo... but being the chicken I am with that sort of pain (im guessing since I don't actually know), and the fear of an 80 year old tattoo being extremely unattractive on saggy skin has always derailed me from such a thought. and one time I had an appointment to go and get my first tattoo, and a dear friend of mine VERY kindly reminded me what a dumb idea that was... and the appointment was cancelled... I decided a year ago the type of tattoo I would get as my first tattoo (you know, the one I will probably never actually get) I am in love with the infinity sign, and would get it on my finger as here in this picture

maybe a little bigger than this, but on my finger just as shown. but in the infinity sign words can be written... as shown in the next picture... and I decided I would get the word change (instead of life as shown in the picture)

the reason I would choose this tattoo is because change is infinite. it is always a guarantee... and I am sort of attached to that idea. again. I will most likely never truly get this tattoo... just my brain mulling around silly 16 year old girl thoughts... hahahaha... **end of side story**

I have found myself in a situation where change is inevitable. there is a major change that will without a doubt happen. some big decisions that need to be made. I have been through similar major changes in my life and I am here on the other side of change. with change comes nerves and anxiety and uncertainty. all of these feelings I don't have mastered yet.

I am a firm believer that when one door closes, another one opens. I believe that none of us are doomed to a situation handed to us, there is always an option, there is always a choice. and yet in the midst of change there are moments where it feels too heavy and like a gray cloud swarming around. I am grateful for the confidence I feel in myself to believe that things will work out. I am thankful for the many experiences that have taught me that I will make it through this too. and that if I have nothing else... I am confident in my own skin that I know for sure I will come out on the other side and be able to handle the next major change in my life, as I am guaranteed that will happen...

I am thankful to those who truly love me and support me in my changing, my thoughts, my honesty. im thankful for opportunities to grow, learn and change... big deep sigh...

10/21/11 @ 1121am

today marks the two year anniversary of Brittany's car accident. I will never ever forget that day... I remember the nitty gritty details... and I remember the overall intensity surrounding such an event. the thought that someone you love could be lost in a moment hit so deeply.

although my friendship today with Brittany is never where I imagined it to be... I feel forever tied to her and this major event that changed her life forever. I feel an odd closeness with people who want nothing to do with me today... I feel like its a day that only we, the ones who lived it, can understand...

the LLLOOONNNNGGG moments in the hospital waiting room to get some sort of clarity to a phone call that said "Brittany has been in a multi car accident, get to the hospital as quickly as possible". the treacherous moments learning of the few injuries, thank goodness, she had. the moment where we all knew she was going to make it... and although I felt for her pain and the strenuous road ahead... the joy I felt that she was not lost. she was not taken so young. the days in the hospital seemed like a lifetime... the gathering family together, making phone calls to insurance, cell phone companies, all the back and forth involving a car accident... staying close to each other, as we all knew we needed each other...

that day... more than any other day in my life... I had learned the importance of life. to such a large understanding... how fragile life is... how strong our bodies are... how much one person can endure... she had survived an accident she factually should not have survived... it was not her time to go... and seeing her in the hospital, I felt relief and a lot of sadness for her body and her road to recovery. 

seeing her car, to attempt to gather her personal belongings, was such a real visual of how strong her physical body is. and what a fighter she is... what an inspiration and hero she is to me. what a moment, one that is engraved in my head.

watching her struggles throughout the next year... another huge confirmation that the human body is strong beyond belief. how amazing it was to witness that recovery and healing. the physical and mental pain she shared with me. I am grateful for the moments I was able to share in. how I treasure those celebrations of life, that at those moments, I didn't realize that's what they were... and today, I see that... each car ride to physical therapy, each single step, each x-ray, each checkup... what celebrations of a life deserved...

I am so grateful for this experience. so grateful for the lessons I was able to learn. the true value of someone you love and how very quickly they can be snatched from you. grateful to the God that saved her, she was definently watched over oct 21, 2011. there was a higher power that intervened this day. and my belief in a higher power grew... my belief that "everything happens for a reason" was confirmed through all the healing. thank you to Brittany for sharing this time with me and allowing me to learn and grow in the ways I needed to. and also SO VERY GRATEFUL that she is alive and able to live her life. and thank you for the tender reminder to never take any moment for granted... live life to its fullest... stay true to yourself... and love, deeply love, those close to you... you never know what lies around the corner...

lonely

have been trying to put this concept into my own personal understanding for quite a while now...

dictionary.com describes lonely as an adjective, "1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome. 2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc. 3. lone, solitary, without company, companionless. 4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak 5. standing apart, isolated"

that's not quite what I feel when I think of lonely, although, im not questioning dictionary.com... I just feel there is a deeper meaning...

as a single mother... a mother with sole physical and legal custody of my kids... I believe I feel lonely often. the concept of family is that there are people to share your life with (a small part of a very lengthy definition of family)... and although I share and love many moments with my children... the adult intimate, not just referring to sexual activity, is missing... im talking about the brainstorming of how to solve classroom issues with a child, the best choice for summer activities, class projects, back to school and open house nights, college choices, sporting events, overall decisions about the kids and their futures and parenting styles, pillow talk about daily activities... a commitment between two adults to raise and nurture full functioning children into adult life... all of these decisions and choices and thoughts lay in my brain alone... and although I feel strong enough to handle these... and I feel I am successful, thus far, at raising my children... it's a heavy burden to bare alone... it's a lot of brain activity that makes my body exhausted. I am so grateful for my children... im a better person because im their mother, im stronger, and wiser and better equipped to take on life... and along with being this strong independent women... im often lonely... and that loneliness is tolerable. I can bare those feelings... they have become part of my life and who I am... and I am grateful for those feelings, now I can recognize what good company and good companionship is...

I come from an immediate family that I feel is bent and damaged. I don't share holidays or special times with my family, mutually. they are not my backbones and people I turn to in any aspect of my life... and all for different reasons. I have learned to forgive and love despite these roadblocks... I have also learned healthy boundaries for myself in these relationships. not having those backbones feels lonely. wanting that closeness and not having it, assists in feeling lonely. and yet, that too, has become part of me, of who I am...

I have lost people in my life that were labeled as family in my life. people I allowed in, chose in moments to be my family. and they are no longer here. that helps tremendously in feeling lonely. and yet. I have accepted those situations for what they are and am capable of feeling and letting that go, and not having negative feelings that feed my life in any way. I accept each of the situations for what they are.

I have been in monogamous relationships. I have been married. I have cared deeply for people in my life. 
I have been in love, in unconditional love. the kind of love that you would give any part of yourself for. the kind of love that is more than one aspect. is much deeper than one moment, although, every single moment makes for massive memories and stronger feelings. the kind of love that no sacrifice seems impossible. all can be conquered with this love, any road block, any speed bump, any issue. where every smile is worth a million years. the kind of love that one kind deed can be spread through a year and make that year worth every second... where you want to see that person every minute of every day... and yet you are content knowing that they are happy... and are okay not seeing them that often... the kind of love where you care and want to hear every moment of their life. where you can listen to their thoughts and understand and want to know more... the kind of love where you will support and back up and be behind in the darkest moments... where you can hold their hand on their journey and walk next to when needed and help hold them up when needed... share the laughs, the sorrows, the victories and the losses... and make the best of all of those times... dance in the rain... the kind of love that you allow the fears and the baggage and the feelings of doubt fall away... trust in your strong, intense, unconditional feelings of love....

only to really learn and understand that the love is not shared... that is the true definition of lonely... to be alone in love is the true definition of lonely to me...

ramble about self worth

i think one of the hardest things to teach anyone is self worth. it's such a hard concept... such a hard thing to grasp and then after you find it... its holding onto it and remembering all the positives, especially when the going gets tough...

i love that line in the movie "THE HELP"... the maid says to the baby she cares for and has the baby repeat her "YOU IS KIND" "YOU IS SMART" "YOU IS IMPORTANT". what important words for a child to hear and repeat. what a tender way to build self worth!

i have personally been through many things in my short 33 years on this earth. many life lessons and experiences that have taught me massive lessons. i used to think i wanted to be like elizabeth gilbert (EAT PRAY LOVE) and take off to different countries, have those experiences and use them to better myself... to use that time and those experiences to "find myself". and although, the idea is a very pleasant one... that is not a possibility in my personal life. hahahahah... for many reasons... so... i have embarked on a journey inside my own life to find myself. i have never taken the time in my personal life to find myself. and figure out what i want, how i feel and where i want to go.

i take the things i cannot change or fix in my life and build off that. i am a mother. i cannot stop being a mother. the other thing i cannot change is that i have to make a living for the four of us. i have got to figure out how to make ends meet. those are the two things i cannot change or rearrange in my life. everything and everyone else is a CHOICE! being happy and feeling worthy of happiness is a choice. each day is ours to live... and i am thankful for starting to find my self worth that helps me in being confident and sure in my decisions...

i have chosen along my journey to accept that i am going to fall and accept that im only human and that i am going to make mistakes. i am going to second guess myself. i am going to wonder if i am doing right by my kids. i also have decided that when i make mistakes... i am going to fix them to the best of my ability and learn a lesson from each mistake. but in the end... i KNOW that im a good person. i know that i am worthy of love and i know that i have a tremendously huge amount of love to give. i choose to be honest. i choose to give to the people around me. i choose to stay true to the core definition of sandra and live my life constantly improving myself and adding to my good qualities... hopfully i can fill up with wonderful attributes and eliminate the bad qualities... :)

find your happy spot and stay there... go there FOR SURE when things get rough... keep your head up and believe in yourself. you are for sure more important than you realize and more important and special than you give yourself credit for... :)

my happy spots are rainy days, the beach, oprah (i know that makes me nerdy... hahaha), going new places and experiencing new things, a tender heart, gentle sweet moments where love is felt and there is a definent connection with people, disneyland,

please find your feeling of self worth... and do right by yourself! know you are worth your thoughts and feelings. a friend of mine just posted "stand up for what you believe in... even if that means you are standing alone"... have that confidence and self worth that you are amazing and that your beliefs deserve to be valued and appreciated.... and stand up for them... be confident and believe in yourself that you can do that and be willing to stand alone!

<3

and dont forget it!!! :)

catch up

so... apparently i let blogging slip to the bottom of my priority list... i am going to try my hardest! hahahahaha...

quick catch up...

me... just turned 33. LOVE that number. "some people try to turn back their odometers. not me, i want people to know 'why' i look this way. i've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved." ~~will rogers~~ i am running my business that was established april 2009. running a business is a very difficult endeavor. i have sole custody of my three angels since august 2009. we have come a long way. and continue to grow and learn. and im living in the same house since september 2007. love my house. all for me is going well... have some speed bumps, but other than that... seem to be taking steps forward. :)

eryn. omg. she will be 11 this saturday. i dont even know where the time has gone. she currently has straight "A"s and taken on basketball as well. she LOVES school. she works hard and is always striving to do better than the last report card. the GATE program has no funding... so her teachers are trying in every way they can to implement GATE activities into their normal studies during the school day. i am so thankful for that extra effort. she has been to a few basketball practices and very recently played her first two games. she has lots of improvement, but loves the sport... so i am confident that she will do well. she could always use a good book. she also loves nail polish and all those girlie things taht i dont do well. hahahah....

ethan is going to be 9 on friday. holy smokes. i cant even believe it. he struggles with grades, as i understand most boys do. his struggles are pure lazy... so i am hoping to get rid of those lazy habits as to improve those grades. he loves drawing. he has a sweet friend at school who gave him a sketch pad for christmas and it is one of his favorite things to do... draw. he loves elvis presley. he has a huge book all about elvis. he was elvis for halloween, and he was offended that people were so impressed by his costume. hahahahah... he has NO CLUE about the legacy that elvis has left... it's hilarious. he also loves to dance. a song that he likes comes on and he is all over it. it's cute.

eliot is going to be 8 in march. the kid is in complete transition from baby/little kid to big kid. and he is not enjoying the road. he also struggles with grades. i also believe his grades are due to lazy behaviors... so we are working on those as well. eliot loves to dance... he is shy with it but when he is home and a song comes on that he likes... hahahha... he is rockin out! eliot also loves hex bugs. i know, random. but he could play all day with those things... he also LOVES, more than i do, blankets and pillows. he is the biggest cuddle bug. and if there is not a person around for him to cuddle... the blankets will have to do... his bed is all blankets... in the morning i play "where's eliot"...hahahaha...

anyhow... that's a little bit... we are well and healthy. so many things have happened that have showed me how thankful i am and need to be for life... the precious moments and time we have here on this earth! will share more later... that's that for now! :)

grass is greener...

i am one to always criticize myself. one to second guess and question myself. which leads to comparing myself to others and evaluating myself in comparison to the people around me. i have learned that this is a very unproductive behavior. i have been working on concentrating on ME. and what MY goals are. and how i want MY life to take flight.

this picture got me thinking... if i am feeling that someones grass is greener than mine... i should not attempt to make mine green as the other grass... i should actually find the reason my side has no grass or less green grass... why i feel like anothers is greener than mine... and water mine. it's a state of mind as i compare myself to another, that i am dead grass. i need to nourish me and my choices. make the proper adjustments to improve me.

as i concentrate on me and making my grass green... the fence between me and another field does not exist. i am me. and i am a dang good person. i deserve to be happy. i have much to be thankful for. my life is full.

little man

so today eliot had an awards ceremony at school. he received the character counts award for the month in his class for "caring". his teacher, mrs rios, started her little speech about eliot before she actually announced his name, and got all choked up and teared up a little. she said the character counts award this month is for caring. and the little man that has earned this award gives the best hugs, they are so tight. he always has something nice to say to each of his friends. he greets them each morning, individually and bids farewell each afternoon. he is full of life and has a huge heart. she was teary. and then she announced his name, he stood up, this short little kindergarten man, and all the kids in his class were like "YES". and did the elbow from up down to the waist. they were all so happy for him. his smile was PRICELESS!!!!
i walked up to take his picture and was wiping tears away from my face. i was thinking, what a special little man he is. he is just a huge hearted good little man. his capacity to love is so massive. and i am blessed to have him as my son... he makes me smile... and i too, love his snuggles... :)

sweet appearance attorney's

so. here's a little insight to my job... :)

as a process server of unlawful detainers, part of that job is testifying in court hearings if the residents of the home refuse to vacate the property. residents try the craziest things to remain in the house as long as they possibly can. well, eventually the banks, who already own the homes again, will set a trial to have the judicial system step in to help the banks gain posession of the property. by the time it gets to this point, there is nothing anyone can do, but buy the residents more time to vacate the property. the stories and the situations the residents come up with are classic, mind you, they have not paid rent/mortgage for atleast 6 months to a year at this point. so options at this point are to sign a stipulation, which overrides the obligation to stand before the judge and have an actual trial. the stipulation is a time period agreed on by both parties for the residents to vacate before the sheriff lockout. or parties can stand before the judge where myself and the real estate agent must testify as to each part of the "workup" of the case. stips can allow for as much as 30 days at the property, but the judge cannot legally allow more than 14 days. then the sheriff's actually come out and kick all living beings out of the house, change the locks and have gotten posession for the bank. it's a hard thing.

anyhow... the eviction attorney's do not do their own appearing, they hire appearance attorney's to take care of these situations. well, i had a hearing in the downey courthouse... the appearance attorney was linda seals. she was frazzled that day. the defendants on the case agreed to sign a stipulation. i had filled out the stipulation for linda and did some of the work. she told me that i would be an amazing lawyer and i should go to law school. she gave me lots of research information. i really enjoyed her that day. then, one friay, i had 3 hearings in the whittier courthouse. when i got there, linda seals was the appearance attorney on all 3 of my hearings. it made me so happy. she was also the appearance attorney on a total of 16 of the 30 unlawful detainer hearings that day, that's already a lot of work in one courtroom. well, those hearings are normally heard in department 6 of the courthouse. well, this day, the comissioner was out ill. so they took the 30 cases and seperated them into the remaining 5 departments throughout the courthouse. there was no way that linda could be in all 5 departments at the same time to take care of each case. so i jumped in and started helping her, talking to defendants, seeing where they are and what their plans are. linda seals husband, jay tenanbaum, came from the santa ana courthouse to the whittier courthouse to help us. because i cannot appear on linda's behalf, but her husband could. so the three of us were running around getting all the cases heard in a timely manner and trying not to upset anyone... it was actually fun. i had a brief moment of thinking it would be fun to go to law school and all that... hahahahaha...

anyhow. that was friday. on monday... im at work all working away at the office. i keep the door locked because usually im there alone. there is a knock at the door. i look out the window and it is linda seals. i was like "what the heck in the world?". i opened the door and she came in. we sat for a minute and chit chatted. she came by to give me a gift certificate to starbucks for my help the friday prior. i was floored. her thank you meant the world plus to me. that, to me, is what it's about.... i did not help her for any recoginition purposes. i helped because it was needed and i knew it made her day easier. but her thank you, that carried me through my week, which ended up being hard to make it through, and her sweetness made me smile!!!

love... by kids...

so. i get lots of chain email letters... you know, those kind you just delete and never read... hahahaha.. just kidding!!! anyhow... i really loved this one. probably because im a romantic and i love this kind of stuff... but this is so sweet and so cute... awwww.... no matter what anyones place in life, i think this is what everyone wants, to different degrees... but i think everyone wants this... it's human nature...


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,
'What does love mean?'
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones..'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

been a while...

well. it's been a while since i have blogged... so i will give a quick update on how everyone is doing.

eryn... she's hilariously funny. she auditioned as one of a million competitors to sing at her school "IDOL" program. she didn't make the cut, considering the massive amounts of "singers" who competed. she was, although, offered a spot on the "IDOL CHOIR". with some convincing from rachel and brittany, she agreed to be a part of the choir. she had her first practice today after school. one of the songs they are singing is "do, a deer, a female deer, ra, a drop of golden sun, me, a name i call myself, fa, a long long way to ruuuun, so, a needle pulling thread, la, a note to follow so, te, a drink with jam and bread, that will bring us back to do do do do..." i smiled so big with memories of "the sound of music"... she was shocked when i knew the lyrics to the song, like i was from some crazy planet. like she was the first person to ever hear that song. it was funny. a reminder of how old i am... :)
the last time we all went to get manicures and pedicures, i let her get her nails painted. oh. she was in heaven with her sparkly pink nailpolish. it was so cute. she thought she was such a big girl...
she ran a relay race at her school. her team won the race. she has told danielle that she wants her to help her learn how to run well. and she has decided that track is something she wants to do... she told me today (my dream come true) that she wanted to play sports instead of be a cheerleader... hahahahahaha... i am so not cut out to be a cheer mom! :)

ethan... what a kid. he just finished up his season of t-ball. he did so well. and im not just saying that because im his mom and i need to brag about my kid. he is a talented little boy in the world of baseball. he loved his season and his team. he was on the angels. and wants to continue to play. so that is exciting. by the end of the season they were not using the tee... and hitting actual pitches. he had a little fan squad. it was cute. i was there, rachel was there, rachels basketball girls came and my mom (until she fractured her heel) and dad and my sister and the boys came to sporadic games. we would all cheer for him. it was cute. and he loved it. he adores sports all around. he is obsessed with rachel's basketball girls. and it's not just because he likes them as people (which he does love them... all three of the kids love those girls)... but he watches them play. he is enthrawled with the game... it's so sweet to see him admiring such amazing girls.
he is improving with his behavior and hope he stays on that path... we have struggled with school and daycare behavior... but he seems to have learned how to keep himself in check most of the time... im proud of him.
he just lost both of his front teeth. so he is so funny with his little lisp... hahahahaha.

eliot... wow... where do i begin? this personality that has emerged the last few months is just amazing. he is so smart it's scary. his brain works in this way that is very similar to rachel. and different from most everyone else in the world. i remember that one time rachel was explaining to me how she processed the bending of toes on a foot and how many different things come to mind as that one seemingly simple action takes place. that is exactly how eliot thinks. he evaluates, processes and doesn't stop until he really understands what it is he is thinking about. he talks through, out loud, situations that go on around him. and if you ask him a question about it, he has a real answer that makes complete sense. i hope i made sense in that description of him.
he is loved by everyone he comes in contact with. his new saying right now is "that's special". his heart is just unbelievably huge. eryn and ethan like to gang up on him and pick fights and make his life a little more difficult than need be. and even though they leave him out and pick on him, they are eliot's priority. an example is that rachel and i took eliot shopping for his birthday. we told him to pick out any toy he wanted for his birthday. he looked around for a little while and then looked at eryn and ethan and asked them to pick what toy they wanted because he would want to play with them for his birthday. it was the sweetest thing.

we are doing super well. life is good. i have no complaints besides being tired... but from what i understand that is a permanent state of mind for a while... i have rearranged my work schedule so that i am able to have a lot of free time with and for the kids. i am enjoying that freedom... so there is a quick little update... more to come... :)

boundaries

so. i am a HUGE grey's anatomy fan. i started watching it the first season and have not stopped. i even made it through the season that was BORING!!! and then this season is so good!!! anyhow... i was watching season one on dvd yesterday and you know how meredith does her whole "end of the show narrative"? hahaha... well. she said this "boundaries do not keep people out, they just fence us in".
i started then, evaluating all my boundaries. and dang... i have tons. i have tons of walls built up, as i justify, for my protection. and i can see, kind of, the importance of beginning to take those down. for instance. one big mess of boundaries i have is with my family. all that we have been through. i have built up tons of walls and boundaries with them because of our life experiences together. i think my dad was the only one i didn't have any walls built up with, because really, he says like 5 things a year... it's not hard to be open with him... because he doesnt say anything really... hahaha. but my mom and my sister. dang. but this past week i have been, by wonderful situations, forced (in a total good way, forced) to spend more time with them. and i have begun to tear some of those walls down. and it feels so good inside. they really do love me. and i really do love them. regardless of the things we have been through, they are my family. and i miss our closeness. i miss how people avoid us like the plague when we are together because we are loud and embarrassing and open and honest. i miss our bantering. i miss how we show each other love. i miss those tender moments. i love my family. and i am so grateful for the time we have been able to spend together. someone close and special to me has told me that i am lucky to have my family, lucky to have a family that cares. and i have realized this, again, this past week.
so. that's my example. of course i have boundaries in many other places. but it's rather exhilarating to begin to demolish those walls.

stereotyping

so. saturday morning... i went to am/pm to indulge in a VERY small fountain drink, dr. pepper with crushed ice (an amazing treat). i was standing in line. i was second in line and there was a gentleman behind me with a trail of people behind him. the registers at the am/pm were acting up. not the fault of any person in the whole building, just a technology glitch. the manager is apparently working on it as quickly as he can and the other employee is trying to appease the people in line with her apologies and smiles. i was not even irritated, believe it or not. then the gentleman behind me started yelling at the manager, telling him things like "your equipment is faulty" "you should invest in better stuff" "get the &#*%! fixed" just being pretty rude. and pacing back and forth and sighing and grunting. made his point very clear that he was irritated. the manager was not rude and actually was handling himself well, considering he was attemting to fix this situation. so, he stopped ranting and raving for a moment and at a time of peace he leaned forward to me and said "you must be in your 20's". i didn't know quite how to respond to such a random comment. i replied "no, in my 30's". and he said to me "well, the only people i know stupid enough to drink soda in the morning are kids in their 20's". well, i immediately start thinking of a million mean and horrible things to say to this man, that i was already irritated with, when i was saved by the gentleman behind him. he said "you must be a gardener". and the rude man said "no. im a business man, why did you think i was a gardener?" and the other gentleman said "well, your mexican, so you must be a gardener". the rude man didn't even know what to say, he attempted backpedaling for a minute and then realized the mans point and backed off. he never apologized or anything, but he sure didn't have anything else to say.



so there are two thoughts i would like to share. first I AM NOT IN MY 20's ANYMORE!!!! holy smokes. my 20's are over. and i guess i have been so blah about turning 3o that i didn't even stop to reflect on that decade of my life. so. i took some time to do that on saturday. wow. what a 10 year block in my life. the worst and the best things are included there. i cannot even go into thoughts about my 20s because it would be a 5 mile long blog... at some point, possibly, just not now... but what an amazing decade of life. i hope my 30s are little more calm... hahahaha...



then my other thought is about stereotyping. that man assumed i was in my 20s based solely off the fact that i was drinking soda in the morning. how ignorant. how stupid. how closed minded. the gentleman was right about then coming back with taking a generalization about a race of people and making the same type of assumption on him. just because of a characteristic does not classify me into a group of people. im individual and unique regardless of my age, my habits, my race, my sex. i am sandra. and he is him. he has his own story, just as the rest of us do. anyhow. i am going to work harder on not classifying people and placing them into categories based of characteristics... anyhow... another lesson learned. again. :)

ear to ear

ethan has been asking for a quite some time to start playing baseball. we decided that this is a good season to start. he is playing in our city t-ball little league. his love for this game is crazy. he literally smiles from ear to ear when he is on the field. he throws well. he hits well. he could use some catching practice... but over all he is pretty good. and more importantly, he loves it. it brings me such tremendous happiness and huge smiles to see him enjoying this so much... i sure hope this gives him some needed boosts... it's a pat on the back that i can't give to him. it's that sense of accomplishment. that sense of belonging. the sportsmanship.

as parents we should know and accept that we can't possibly give our children everything they need to be successful in life. they need experiences and other people to provide those learning and growing opportunities. those situations with his peers to teach him how to interact. this is one of those for ethan. he needs this to help him grow into the man he is to become.

i got some shots of him batting... he is adorable. i will keep you updated on his season and how the angels are doing!!!

tracy

i have listened to Tracy Chapman since days with amber roskelley. and i had never heard this one, or it never stood out to me before this night. i was in the car friday night with someone and heard this song for the first time. it was overwhelming, the emotion i felt when i heard this song. i actually teared up and attempted to hide it. all i said outloud was that it was a sweet song. i came home and listened to it. and then all day saturday i listened to it every opportunity i got. i cried a couple times. listened some more... it's such a good song. it touched a very tender spot in my heart... enjoy these lyrics... and listen to the song. she is just amazing!

ps. i will wait for you. i do miss you. please come fill the space that's reserved for you in my heart. im waiting... im watching and im wishing you were here...

THE PROMISE
By: Tracy Chapman

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep,
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.

random happenings...

so. i wrote this out during a moment, a sandra moment. hahaha...

we have all said or heard at some point "everything happens for a reason". it sounds so cliche. until the other day, it hit me... it made sense, in a different way. everything absolutely does happen for a reason. we are offered jobs, people die, kids get sick, people we love get married, marriages end, old friends find us, tragedy, victory... etc...

we cannot control the things that "happen" to or around us. we can control how we apply those things to our lives. we choose what we do with these things.

that old friend found their way back into your life, what are you going to do with it????

someone that you could fall in love with has offered you their heart, what are you going to do with it???

you are jobless, what do you choose to do with it?

i could go on and on, like always, i just find that big opportunities come in and out of our lives... and if we wait too long, the opportunity may not be there. but if we jump too quickly without thinking, it could be a bad situation. such a fine line. i have learned not to let good opportunities pass me by. i have learned that saying what i need to say is important. but filtering it and not letting all thoughts loose is important as well. i have learned that i cant bulldoze through situations. i have learned that i am not always right and have learned to open up to hearing another side and considering that it may be right, or better. i have learned to not be so prideful and self righteous. i have learned that the people i trust and care about, their opinions are very important to me. i have learned that i can care deeper than i thought possible.

see. i just went on a tangent. hahahaha.... one thought led to another, and on to another... hahaha...

i choose to invest in the good things and people that come into my life. i choose to filter the bad opportunities and thoughts out of my life. i work on the ability to diagnose a situation as good or bad, accurately. i choose to make the best out of the things that "happen" to me. i choose to rise above. and i choose to be happy!!!!

normal

as we go through life, we discover "normal". we think others were raised the same way we were. we think that circles of friends function the same as ours. we think others are similar or the same to us, because it's what we have learned as "normal". it feels as though after we find our normal (which is a discovery process all on it's own)... we at some point, then realize that our normal, is abnormal to everyone else. and that we are all unique and distinctly different than our own "normal". some realize this at a very young age... and others, it takes quite a while... but part of growing up and maturing is realizing this concept. but even bigger than that concept is learning to accept, love and embrace those differences as learning experiences and opportunities to cultivate growth. and loving those people because they are different and they have so much to offer to our plate.

i have not always been so good with this. i have learned more recently in my life that differences are the reason this world is so colorful. and so beautiful. as i grow to love, and strengthen the love with the people i am close to, because they are different and i attempt to see things from their "normal" perspective, i am strengthened, i learn, and my mind is opened. my definition of love expands. and the word love means more to me than it did previously. i have learned that part of unconditional love is allowing the people i love to make decisions for themselves, love them and support them. all the time remembering that i would handle a situation differently than them, and their way is not wrong, it's just different.

i want to be a better person. i want to be more compassionate and understand more fully the differences in the people around me. i want to broaden my view of "normal" and allow others "normal" into my mind and heart. i want to learn more about the people i am close to and allow myself to embrace their thoughts, more openly than i have been doing so. i want to open myself up to give more and soak up the amazingness of them!!!

more than satisfactory

so little man brought home his preschool report card...

they do full evaluations of those kids. eliot is receiving the best possible "grades" in preschool. he identifies all his capital and lowercase letters. he recognizes the sounds of all 26 letters. all of his pre-reading stuff. his handwritting stuff. his numbers and geometry. his teacher's comments were "eliot is doing great. we love having him in our class".

this is his writting sample that was attached to his report card. and then behind that is all his letters written out. it's just amazing how much the kid knows... his knowledge combined with his sweet gentle spirit... he is going to be an amazing man!!!! i am grateful for him.

just a little click

eryn is a little princess. she is very girlie. and enjoys most "girlie" activities. painting nails, makeup, jewelry, doing hair, dressing up... so on and so on... (hahahaha... so not me, it's so funny). so we thought it would be cool for eryn to get her ears pierced. she has asked when she was going to be able to wear earrings like brittany... so, it was a good 8th birthday and baptism gift... oh. no. she's growing up!!!

anyhow we went to the mall... eryn was good until she looked up at me and said "mommy, i need to go to the bathroom". we all kinda laughed and realized that she was probably a little nervous. so britt took her to the restroom while rachel and i filled out paperwork...

before she climbed up into the official ear piercing chair, she had us all feel her heart that was jumping out of her chest. she then took position and a couple tears fell. the employee cleaned the lobe and brought the marking pen up to eryn's ear and she pulled away. so we started walking her through the process. britt explained to her that it was going to make her ears feel hot. rachel kept telling her that it doesn't hurt. it's just a little click in your ear. she had herself all worked up. it didn't help that little brothers were concerned about her and trying to hold her legs and her hands. the girl had to do one ear at a time because they only had one girl on duty. i went over to her side and held her hand... they did the right ear first and i think she was kind of shocked that it didn't hurt. then she sat good for the left ear. it was done.

she admitted that we were all right with our descriptions of how it doesn't hurt, how it's hot, and it's a little click in her ear and that she would be okay.

britt then told us that eryn explained that her fear was that she was going to move when they were about to pierce her ear and she would have a hole in her ear where one didn't belong... she's funny.

so she has beautiful little earrings. i have attached the video that she sent to my mom showing off her ears...